so i think i figured something out about myself today

I woke up this morning and went to work and I had a couple hours on shift with Ben. He’s kind of a perv and it’s fun cos so am I and we generally just pass the time talking about sports (usually the nfl or baseball) and perving on girls or playing “your team”. So today, when there were objectively speaking a lot of reasonably+ attractive girls there and I found myself more interested in perhaps what they sounded like, or if they like baseball or if they read books and if yes what -basically things I don’t usually find myself caring about if I’m honest with you.
My shift ended and I went to get a burger at grill’d and the really hot burger girl was working and she appreciates that I unashamedly worship her little shorts wearing behind. Gives her a confidence boost she said. So when she brought over my burger and said she’d be back with the chips in a minute and sauntered off swaying her hips just a bit more and I was sitting there reading and not watching her go like the creepy fuck I am, when she came back she all but interrogated me about why I didn’t watch her go. This is where and when I learn of the confidence thing and I say that I don’t know and that I’m just not feeling it today. She nods disappointedly and moves to go and I tell her it’s not her that’s off and that she’s beautiful and she grins at me.
I think about this some more and I’ve realised, how can I hope to reconcile my sexuality in my own head when it changes every fucking day.
Which leads me to my theory; I don’t have one. I have a die and it rolls when I wake up, and whatever it lands on, is what my sexuality is that day. It’s a pain in my brain, and it’s gonna be worse probably for anyone I’m in a relationship with but hey. At least I have a theory now. It tracks with recollections and in the future as I document more it should correlate even more strongly.